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| Been a long time. A little tiny bit sort of wish I had kept up with monthly updates. Xanga is my only memory log. Could've would've should've. Just wanted to say:
1. Feels like I've been in Korea for a long, long, long time. Like for years. It's only been two weeks.
2. Would like to move to LA or Asia.
3. Am stuck in Philly at least another year. Actually not really. I guess I could up and leave.
4. I suck.
5. God is so awesome. But I don't mean awesome. Words limit a limitless God.
6. I am getting amazing at disciplining children. In Korean. Ajumah-style baby. Without the big stick. Which I think will come with time.
7. My heart for missions is back. I've been out of it for so long. Time to wake up.
8. My tooth has been broken since May. It sucks. Hope it doesn't rot and fall out.
9. Want to go back to Mongolia one day. Ilddeh, imddeh, jimmygubeh! Baishdeh! Oocheelarry. Dang I forget everything already. Emss means socks. Hammarh means nose.
10. I miss my Ally. Forgot I even had a guitar. Can't wait to see her hope she's not rotting away in the closet because of the heat/humidity. If so, can't wait to buy a full-size one!
11. I love jjim jil bang. They have it in Fort Lee? I'm so there. Haha this trip was all about communal showering.
12. Cut my hair but looks like I got a pama. My hair is getting curlier as I get older. Ever so slightly perturbs.
13. Suzie Rhee's boyfriend is pretty cute. And gave us earrings. For free. GO SUZIE!! New crush. On this young boy. Named Victory. Of Big Bang. My homestay English student likes him too. We talk about him in broken English. And adoringly gaze/squeal at pictures of him on her cell phone. She has hundreds. And is twelve years younger than me. We pretend we're both fourteen. Actually I a little bit like G Dragon too. My mother told us she stopped remembering her age once she was 23. And when I was little I was like whatttt how the heck do you forget your age, and worried she was slightly retarded. I think it partly has to do with the fact that I'm 25 in this country, but I foreal get confused. Whether I'm 23 or 24 or 25. And I have to think about it all over again every time. Which is why Korean age (84) is so much easier to say. Or. Maybe I am slightly retarded. Exactly two weeks left till back in the states. Don't know if I'll arrive in Philly or New Hampshire, must talk to airline. Or if I'll even make it, the plane could crash. Have never ridden a plane without praying twice, once during takeoff and once during landing. And I've been on planes close to triple digits. It is not possible to ride without praying because of the fear, but once I do I'm fine. And then THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU prayer when we land. All stems from a plane crash movie my cousin showed me when I was seven. Thank you Tae Yoon oppa. Thanks a lot. Process of being hammered out is not fun/easy but I'm utterly useless without it. Hammer away. | | |
| Wanted to quote someone but decided it was inappropriate. Haha. Sorry Jenn Mun!
Korean school is almost over. Today was field day. Next Saturday is commencement. Only thing left to do is edit our class movie. Which basically revolves around one student because all the others were absent the day we filmed. The parents will be thrilled. Oh well. I bought their presents and they're all pink. Pink shimmery tulle with rosettes hair elastics, pink Hello Kitty bubble necklaces (to blow bubbles), pink/purple mini My Little Ponies, pink Disney princess erasers that look like lipstick, and a pink feather boa for the kid with perfect attendance. Almost every single Friday night I'd be like "Mommmm (since she's the principal) I don't want to do this anymore, I quit. Find someone else." And then I go and the crazy little ADD kids will do something like bring a picture they drew at home for you or say "I love korean school!" or when I force them to play "nap time" they'll say "can you rub me?" (their backs or stomachs) and I inwardly sigh and get that uncomfortable feeling (what is it, guilt?) because they are genuine and I am not. I like kids because they're honest. And I dislike kids because they're honest.
Found out about a Great Dane litter in Maine. I told the woman that I'm interested in merle puppies. We email back and forth as if I'm really considering buying one. Haha.
Leaving for Korea in a week, plus or minus. I'm excited. It's been nine years.
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| Got back from Chicago this Tuesday. Monday night was my first
allnighter in over a year. Thank you Sandra for letting me study. They
had their senior send-off Monday. Harvest's was yesterday I guess. Part
of me thinks I need to amputate the sentimental I miss collegeee
quadrant of my brain. So I can become an adult haha. I am still in the process of recuperating from the allnighter.
Art Chicago was good! Yay for inspiration. I wish I could just paint. Paint well.
And sell them for $50,000+ too. Omg imagine the free time. I'd just
volunteer everywhere I always wanted to.
Know what I'm comprised of multiple entities. Somewhat akin to God in Three Persons, but infinitely less special/supernatural/sophisticated, and meaningless at best. I guess blasphemous at worst. Anyway. Case in point: I had to do something. And knew why I was
doing it. Then later I couldn't remember why it had to be done, just
knew I had to. As if someone older/wiser said to do it and I need
only obey. But began to question. And I had to think about it a long
time to explain it to myself again, why it had to be done. I was like ohhh. And then I
forgot again. And had to be re-thought/re-explained. And the other part
of me was getting annoyed with the dumber part of me. Actually I think the annoyed part might be different from the forever explaining part. Does that make
sense? It had to do with calculating my gas mileage.
"Flipping through a little book of sex tips remember when all the boys were electric."
Inappropriate, at times wildly so. But catchy. One benefit of living with a sixteen year old boy is new music.
I'm not motivated enough to discover things on my own anymore, unless by
chance on the radio. I like Arctic Monkeys. British rock. So far
Flourescent Adolescent and Only Ones Who Know get the most play time. And for some reason they remind me of Beulah. But they're so not. I love Beulah. Other recent
notable mentions. Make You Smile by +44. Jake Owens' Startin' With Me
makes me teary. Billy Currington's Must Be Doing Something Right makes
me happy. India Arie's cover of The Heart of the Matter which isn't
recent but there you go (I hate most of her other songs). For Good from
the Wicked soundtrack. I ran into someone who likes Would You Go With
Me too. Country is so f-ing hot. Not going to say freaking anymore... f-ing will suffice till more suitable qualifier can be found. I picked it up from the caucasians at Wheaton, haha go figure.
It's decided. I wish to procure a Great Dane. Definitely not harlequin, considering blue or a nice dark brindle. One day, God willing.
And thank you Metzger for being the only person ever to make me excited
about reading Acts. Even though I was annoyed at you at one point for
writing such long chapters.
I'm supposedly helping the youth pastor at our church. But I'm so awful and almost never respond to his emails and hardly ever pick up the phone when he calls (not 100% on purpose it just happens that way). And when he asks me to prepare something I either forget or do it so incompetently that he has taken to preparing it anyway. Maybe I'm just writing it out cathartically. When in actuality I ought to be repenting and praying and asking forgiveness. I don't know. I know.
Battery life is down to three minutes if any applications are running.
Not sure whether to buy a new battery or a new laptop. A bobby pin and
duck tape are keeping the wires together in the adaptor. It smells like
burning and emits tiny sparks of fire with a snap crackle pop.
| | |
| Things I have been learning recently (Note: not necessarily doing all these things but learning).
How to fix drawer knobs.
How to sew on a modern day sewing machine.
How
statistically 85% of marriage relationships require much effort, 10%
require some effort, and 5% are easy. According to the Gordon Conwell
Theological Seminary. For some reason that shocked me. (Which leads to
corollary statistic: upwards of 50% of marriages end in divorce. Actually even
Christians, their divorce rate is just as high. Everyone wants/expects to be in the 5%.)
How to become a real estate agent.
How I am blinded to things and am in need people in my life who will tell me to STOP, SUCK IT UP and GROW UP.
How the older I get the more freeing God's will is.
How to use JS and CSS.
How
my iBook now has a battery life of forty-two minutes. (To my great
displeasure. But I guess that's where ac adapters come in. Mine had to
be cut open and rewired and electrical tape bandaged up. Thank you Mr. Jobs.)
How Johnson & Johnson came out with this amazing
"Instant Burn Cooling Patch" and it's so effective and I ended up not
even having any blisters just scars, and now I have two boxes of it thanks to my
father and will likely procure more.
How to switch cell phones numerous times and lose all my contacts.
How
the Currier now hires incompetent instructors to teach their classes
and how that makes me not go to them and how it's too late but I still
think about it time to time and it upsets me the waste of money but I'm
going to try to think of it as a donation.
How I really am allergic to black sesame soy milk and should stop trying to build up tolerance.
How Jordan's Furniture has free Dippin Dots or whatever round pellet ice cream!!! It made my mother and I so incredibly happy and we plan on going again tomorrow. For the ice cream.
How much I admire and adore Amy Carmichael's heart and spirit.
How all I know about the future is that I don't need to fear it. And that lifts me up.
My top eBay searches.
gucci (britt, boston) silver
marc stam
fendi b
chanel 2.55
miu coffer
vuitton vernis
vuitton miroir (Just for kicks. But so prettyyyyy i.e. shinyyyyy.)
Frankly
I don't even know how to be trendy anymore because I've tried to ignore
clothes/fashion for the longest time.We won't go into why. But I still
have a thing for bags. Don't know what it is but they're like soft
little creatures that I fall in love with and want to take home
forever. I think it is wrong of me to feel this way and that this love
is misguided and would be better served loving something/someone else,
perhaps meant for a puppy or the as yet nonexistent fruit of my womb.
Oh yes and also. These days fondness for furniture is increasing. I
like Ethan Allen and www.dwr.com. Haha part of me is like UGH who CARES
what you like you STUPID GIRL. I know I know.
Random.
I
hate the word random. I hate having to resort to it. I have zero
respect for it and secretly judge people who use it frequently to
excessively. ...Can't think of any names so not in reference to anybody.
I tried Courvoisier the other day. My father received some for his birthday. You always hear black people singing about it. I thought it would be special and different. My unrefined/indiscriminate taste buds say nope.
A conversation. Tranlated into English.
Mother: (lying down on bed) (all of the sudden out of nowhere)Wow your face looks different!
Daughter: (sitting on bed) What?
Mother: (sits up with a quickness) Oh my gosh. Is something wrong with your jaw?
Daughter: No?
Mother: (reaches out to touch both sides of my face) Uhmuhmuh. They didn't always stick out like this did they?
Daughter: I have no idea what you're talking about. (afterthought) My face is square.
Mother: (compares back and forth how the back of her jaw feels with mine. like five times.) No, they like. They look REALLY WEIRD. I'm not like this. Maybe you're sick.
Daughter: I'm pretty sure I'm not.
Mother: (very concerned look as she continues to scrutinize)
You know, your [family member] had a jaw that was shaped differently. She ended up getting surgery
before going to college to cut the bone. She liked it a lot better afterwards. Do you
want to get surgery?
Daughter: No one's ever mentioned anything before. I wasn't even aware of it.
Mother: Oh that's good. (lies back down, forgets conversation)
Daughter: .....
Something encouraging/lifting a friend said (thank you!) recently (emphasis added).
"i guess it just got me thinking that sometimes, maybe the broken things
in our life will not be repaired during our time here, but that what we
are instead left with is a deeper longing.
and maybe that isn't such a
bad thing."
Final note:
"It's obvious that, as long as we can find a reflection in the mirror, we will long for a break. And that's not wrong. But
when we reach the end of our strength, wisdom, and personal resources,
we enter into the beginning of His glorious provisions. And that's a
wonderful place to be." - Patsy Clairmont
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is
made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly
about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9
"Remember there is nothing you are asked to do in your own strength. Not the least thing, nor the greatest." -A. Carmichael | | |
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